I am not sure why but I feel such a lack of motivation these last 2 weeks.
If I am being completely honest, the motivation really went out the window when I became broken.
I have had moments here and there when I get motivated to get going again, and take a stand and say this is it I am fighting. But that fizzles within a day or 2 and I am back in this place.
This place of, I have nothing I am training for. Nothing I can do without being a big trip to the gym, or getting in and out of a pool. It is so frustrating. It is summer time, the time of year that is easiest to do my favorite sport: run. A run in the summer is simple, strap on your sneakers and go.
I fought all winter through cold and last winter through snow. I look forward to summer running. And it is killing me.
That and there is the body change. It has only been a month but no running has taaken a toll on my body shape. I have curves I worked hard to get rid of. I am no longer at the race weight I fought so hard to get to. It is funny, everyone around me is complimenting me. It is almost like they like seeing me with an extra 10 pounds, me on the other hand I hate it.
I look in the mirror everyday and think yuck. I know I should not. I know I should be OK. I know in my rational mind that eventually I will be running again and I can lose the weight and get to my old self. But right now on a daily basis it is hard.
Sometimes I feel like a hamster in a wheel, or like that kayak in the picture up there. Like I am stuck in an impossible situation and there is no way out.
I should be training right now, I should be preparing for a 50 mile ultra marathon and a new marathon PR for my fall marathons. Instead I am going through physical therapy and walking around with a boot. All I keep wondering is when the end is coming and when my life can begin to be normal and easy again.
I need a big shot of motivation.
I need a plan, I need something to focus on. I will work on making one up this weekend and hopefully have it to post here on Monday.
