Swimming Time!

I am an addict.

I can fully admit it.

I need cardio. I need something to burn the energy I have. I need a good burn of sweat and calories every single day to feel normal, happy and human.

I am totally ok with this. I have accepted it. I have embraced it.

This injury, is the first time since my journey began 2.2 years ago that I have been totally side lined from all forms of cardio. I was upset about it last week. I pretty much was laid up all week not able to do anything under strict doctor's orders. I listened, I waited in patience.

This week, slowly the swelling has begun to diminish. So yay! Also I have been working out. :) Nothing too crazy, but I am wearing my Polar HRM and trying to burn at least 300 calories a day doing things here at home like Russian twists, chin ups, push ups (with 1 leg), sit ups, arm lifting, rowing with kettle bell, etc. All upper body and core work with some dynamic stuff thrown in to keep my heart rate up.

And then on Friday I finally worked up the nerve, strength, courage, to hobble down to the pool at our condo complex. I am grateful for the pool, since I cannot drive yet it is a quick well now slower ;) 3 minute walk so I can get in there no matter what.

I got myself an inexpensive bathing suit from amazon and decided that I would make the most of this time away from running and swim. I admit, I have never been an avid swimmer. I used to go to the beach and sit in the sun. Last summer I never even made it to the pool here because I was just not interested. I have not been swimming in probably a year. The summer I began losing weight I actually took Peanut in the pool and to the beach a few times but that was it.




So I realy did not know what to expect. But I got geared up and hobbled my way down to the pool.

I wore my HRM of course because I wanted to maintain a heart rate and not get too crazy, I have not been totally cleared by the doctor yet... So I got into the water and it felt so nice.

I was amazed really, it was hard to keep swimming back and forth in the pool. My legs felt good because I was not putting pressure on them like a normal workout but my body was working hard. It was harder than I had anticipated and I had a hard time matching my breath with the strokes. I would pause and take breaks once in awhile and just kick my legs while holding on to the side of the pool too. No matter what, I made sure I was moving the whole time I spent in the pool.

And amazingly enough? Crazily enough?

I freaking enjoyed it. It was the first time since my leg got swollen that I felt like me again. I was out of breath, my heart was pumping and I was feeling fatigued. It felt amazing.

So now, I hope, that this can become a daily event. Even if it just a half hour, I need it. I also would like to learn more about swimming properly and trying to maintain a good form while I do it. I must investigate now :)

So I will take any tips on swimming! I know there are some good swimmers out there who read my little blog so please share!!!

Changing Plans

Being injured has taught me a lot and I am still learning. I am sure I will be for the next few months.

One thing that I have learned is that sometimes, plans must change. Sometimes, we have to be PATIENT. By the way, have I mentioned how much I hate that tiny word? ;)

Anyways, so in back in January I set some goals for myself for this year. One of those goals was to complete a 50 mile race. I looked high and low for one in the summer time, this would allow me to build my base mileage all spring running marathons and then use it to train all summer for the big 50. A good plan right?

Well, now I am not running any miles. Now I am nursing this torn calf and trying to convince all this blood to flow back out of my foot. They say I will not run for at least 8 weeks. That puts me into August. The first few weeks of August I am hoping I can begin running again.

That means that the 50 mile trail race I have been registered for will now go run run by me this year. I am hoping I will be able to still do the Rock n Roll Providence Half Marathon I also signed up for that is on August 19th. Honestly, it will not bother me missing that half, I will go cheer for all my friends who are running it. The bother comes in the 50 miler not getting done.

I am driven by goals, every single year I work on new ones and keep fighting to get to them.

I did not expect this year to be any different. I walked hobbled around for the last week kind of depressed, and moody about not running the race. I took the news hard when the doctor told me how long I would not be running for. And then the other day I began to realize that I could still reach my goal. I would just have to be patient and find a race later in the year.

In came the Stone Cat 50 Miler :) It takes place on November 3rd! This should give me plenty of time to prepare!

So hopefully, God willing, I will be running again in August or end of July :) and then training can begin again. I hope to start water running next week once I get clearance from the physical therapist and maybe keep some cardiovascular base that I have worked hard to maintain this year. I have started home workouts on core, chest, and arms to maintain some sanity as well. I do have a good sports medicine orthopedic doctor and physical therapist so I am very confident that in no time soon I will be strong again :)

In the meantime I will listen to them and take time to heal. I will work on this whole patience concept too

I Am Blue : Injury Update the Torn Calf

Well my foot is, literally haha

As you can see (sorry for the nasty pictures) My foot is still swollen and black and blue. The confusing part about this all is, the injury is in my calf!

I have a torn gastrocnemius.  Which means in my terms a torn calf muscle. So why the foot is blue, is really still the mystery. The doctors think maybe there is a blood clot higher up in my leg that the ER missed on their exams last week. SO now I wait, wait to hear what they want next and what to do.

All this waiting, leaves an impatient girl agitated. I am not a patient person by nature, I always joke that this is why I ran so fast I have no patience. And it is to an extent true.

But I have to learn how to be patient :( It seems the hardest thing I have had to do yet.And the worst part, the doctor says no cardio still. I asked nicely if I could even maybe swim or start doing something when I saw him and he just said no we need to wait a lil while longer :( That was depressing!

I did get fitted with a boot, so the good news is I can now bend my knee and take it off to shower without needing someone around to wrap me back up!

Probably for me the most frustrating part of this injury is the pain. My calf constantly throbs all day unless I take the pain medicine and keep it elevated. I hate the feeling of being on the pain medicine so I try not to take it so much. And then the whole, it is my right leg so I cannot drive. That part gets me the most down. I feel like a prisoner here in my house.

One day at a time is all I can do right now. I am just so bored.

Mixed Emotions

I am a big bag of mixed emotions this week. This weekend was tough. I know it has only been a week, hell really not even a fully week but I am already going crazy being injured. And several things are bugging me. My leg has rendered me pretty tied up.

I HATE feeling useless and helpless. I cannot even drive. It is frustrating. It is annoying. Where I live there is no public transportation so I am pretty much stranded. There is nothing more frustrating for me, than to wait for someone to come pick me up and take me somewhere. Now this has nothing to do with anyone helping. I appreciate it all I do. It is me personally. Up until this point in my life I have been pretty independent. Is one of the things I have always prided myself on.
Being injured has rendered me, to myself, useless. It makes me angry.

I hate not being able to pick up my daughter. I know shes almost 3, and I know she should be more independent but we are close. It is after all just the 2 of us living here day in and day out so she has become pretty dependent on me. I hate feeling like I cannot take care of her as good as I should. I hate that shes getting more television now because we cannot go to many places. I hate that I get frustrated easily because I am in so much pain. I hate it all.

I miss running. Hell at this point I miss any kind of cardio workout. I can barely walk. It is amazing to me that one week ago I ran 26.2 miles in under 4 hours and now I can barely hobble over to the bathroom. It has been humbling, trying to get around on crutches and trying to do the things I do on a daily basis.

I am mainly most of all mad at my leg. I take the splint off for 10 minutes to shower and stare at the leg. Its all swollen, black and blue and looks forgein to me. I feel the muscles in there tingling and throbbing, and I wonder how long it plans to stay like this. How long does one take to heal? And why the eff did it have to happen right in the beginning of summer time? And then I get depressed. It seems like it is taking forever to even look a little better. everyday I take the splint off with the hope of it looking better and when it looks the same I get sad all over again.

And then finally I feel fat. I know I am gaining weight, just sitting around all day, not being able to workout, not being able to run. My mind goes to dark places just dreading the next time I will step on a scale. I have tried to reduce my caloric intake daily, I will keep trying. I just am terrified.

Terrified of regressing. It was so hard to lose all of my weight. It was so hard to build a base for running marathons and ultra training. I feel like all of my hard work is slowly being undone day after day by being tied up here with this injury. And that thought haunts me. I feel like I will lose everything I have spent the last 2 years working on. It makes me want to cry.


I know, all of these thoughts they are normal. And I know what everyone says, oh don't worry, you will be fine. GIve your body time to heal. You can get it all back.
I know everyone is just trying to be helpful. I know they all mean well.

But at the end of the day, I feel like I am just so sick of hearing all that crap. None of it fixes my leg, none of it helps me while I am sitting here wasting away.

Sorry to be so negative, just needed to vent today.