The Day Before My Next Marathon

I sat down wondering this morning if eventually marathons would lose their ominous sense of nervousness. I say this because at this time last year I sat and dwelled on a half marathon and felt nervous for it.

I went on to run so many halfs last year that the distance does not even make me bat an eye lash...

I would kind of like to be able to run a marathon and not be so nervous about it. I would kind of like to not be stressing about taper week.. I would actually like to be able to not have to taper so much next time, taper really kills me lol. I have so little patience this week for anything it is ridiculous. Especially now, having a tantrumming 2.5 yrear old alone 24-7 has did a number on me.

It is amazing how much running has saved me from being depressed, being stressed, resorting to binging. It has helped in so many ways. But now today I sit in fear of running tomorrow..

Kind of ironic ;)

I want to sit here and tell you that tomorrow will be fun, that no matter what my time I will be happy because well not many people are able to run a marathon and I am grateful to be able to.

But this is my blog, and I like to be honest and open 100% of the time...

Tomorrow will not feel good unless I get my goal, unless I see that number on the clock at the end read anything under a 3:35. I will feel like I failed a bit, and that this training cycle was not good enough for it. I will certainly just be disappointed. And its ok. Because this is what keeps me going. I also know that if I do not make that time tomorrow, I will come back with a vengeance for my next marathon and work my ass off until I get it.

This is how a fighter exists, this is how goals get reached. In my self, this is what keeps me going and driving forward.

For me it is not all smiles and puffy hearts just to finish, for me it is about something more that drives me to new goals, for myself and going after them. It might not be the best approach, it might not be accepted by many people. But it is just what works for me. It has been for the past 2 years, and I do not plan on changing that anytime soon.

My 2 Year Anniversary With Weight Watchers and Healthy Living

Happy Birthday to me,

Happy birthday to me,

Happy birthday dear healthy Colleen,

Happy birthday to you!

Yes today 2 years ago is the day I stepped onto the scale at Weight Watchers and found myself taking control of my life and deciding it was time to make some major changes. I decided that I did not want to look like this for the rest of me life:

I decided that being healthy and being a better mother and role model for my 6 month old were more important than anything in my life.

 I decided that at the age of 26 needing an FSA plan to pay for medical bills and 7 medications a month was not the idea of a happy life style. Most importantly, I decided that for once in my life I had to find some things that made ME happy and start living for myself. I did not realize it at the time, but the things that made me healthy would make their way into making me happy.

I did not realize that day that my life would take many turns and twists, but that they would all lead me down a path in which I could stand up tall and proud and feel like I was accomplishing something great. I never imagined, how incredible life would get, or how the simple joys in life were standing right in front of me just waiting to be experienced. I did not realize that I could be happy, truly happy just by being able to do things I liked to do. I did not realize that I could smile just because.

Not all of this journey has been easy, in fact, most of it has been a daily dog fight in which I sometimes feel lost and alone. It was and still is hard to face the demons that live within in me, and try to pull me back down a darker path. Some days I wonder how I got here, and some days I feel like I really earned it. While still others I feel like I do not deserve it. It is a mixed big bag of emotions, it is a lot to take in and observe. But above it all I do know one thing is absolutely 100% certain:

I have not a single regret.

I have not a doubt in my mind that this is what I am meant to be and who I was meant to become.

Everything I have experienced over my life for the past 28 years has helped to shape me into the person I am today, and for that I cannot be anything but eternally grateful.

I am happy to be healthy, happy to be at a normal weight, and more importantly taking ZERO medications on a daily basis and smiling a whole hell of a lot more :)

Getting to my lifetime goal weight at Weight Watchers this year was an amazing accomplishment as well!!! And I am so excited to be a member for life :)

And I can be sure I will be chasing my grand kids around one day ;)


 For now we will stick to nephews :)

And of course winning ultra marathons ;)

Hyannis Marathon Is Almost Here

I know it seems I have been a ghost lately and I do apologize.

You see I am trying to adjust to life lately ;) Being a working single mom is a bit tougher, and school has really had me busy I had this crazy idea to take 3 classes this semester and it has proven to be harder than I expected. I guess it is kind of good to have all this stuff to keep me busy though and keep my mind from wandering too far. One other thing that is consistent is my dedication to my training.

I refuse to let anything get in the way of that. Running is my one true love and it keeps me sane, literally. No matter what is going on in my life I know I can throw on my running sneakers and head out for a few miles and get lost in paradise. There is something to be said for that. So naturally I am more than excited that the Hyannis Marathon is coming up this weekend!!! 

This race holds a special place in my heart because it falls right around my anniversary with Weight Watchers, and it was my first ever half marathon in my entire life :) You can see the recap here

I think back about last year and the training I was doing, I thought 10 miles was tough... hehe I remember how I felt the day I finished that race:

Accomplished, amazing, exhausted, cold, elated, happy, determined. Yep I was a happy girl that day because I had worked my ass off for an entire year and lost a lot of weight and got into shape. I remembered how determined I was even then to keep running and setting new goals. I read my recap and see even then I was talking about a marathon and "hoping" I would one day do one....

Now today, I have run a marathon, run an ultra marathon, and set my eyes on my next prize. I am determined more than ever to go after that illusive Boston Marathon qualifying time my bq :) I have worked my ass off once again in a training cycle that was more intense than anything I have done before. I have read Advanced Marathoning by Pete Pfitzinger thanks to Robin's recommendation and followed his plan. I have been eating healthy and gotten my weight down to a racing weight that I feel very comfortable in. I have practiced everything, I have prepared for it.

Now all I need is for race day to arrive and my body to say, OK it is time to go out there and get that BQ :)  


I am nervous as all hell, antsy, excited, and focused all at once ;) It should make for an interesting weekend.

My New Trail Running Place

It is amazing sometimes how much I learn about where I live, or places to visit just from my love of running. I recently finally visited Borderland State Park when I got my new trail shoes :) That was the gift to myself for getting to life time goal weight!

After running a few trail runs last year, and my recent 50K in the sand I have realized one thing: I LOVE running on trails. It is almost as if I feel I was made to do exactly that. When I am running on trails I am happy. My legs feel good and it is nice to get a break from pounding my joints on pavement.

SO naturally I quickly fell in love with Borderland when I went 2 weeks ago and have been going back ever since :)

I have always liked going to the park and walking around because it is centered around this older mansion that was built back in 1900. A family lived there and the woman designed a lot of it herself. I want to take a tour of it one day, it just seems like such a nice place.

You can walk around and imagine how life was for the family and their 4 children. They had a tennis court, pool, ponds, birds and everything. Seems like a nice place to grow up :) As I run I think about that.

It really is a beautiful serene place. I have com now to love running around the trails that are there. It is hard to imagine a few years ago I could barely walk around there without getting tired and now I go there and run for 16 miles :)

My favorite trail is right there. It circles the pond and is covered in old tree roots. They make for nice little obstacles to hop over as you run.

So I suspect I will be spending a lot of time at Borderlands this summer and enjoying trail running as I prepare to tackle my next new goal, a 50 mile race :) I figure what better way to spend my birthday in June than running all day?