5 Years Ago Today

Today is Friday the 13th. I never considered it to be an unlucky day until 5 years ago when I got the phone call that rocked my world and tore it in half and flipped it upside down. I was at work when my aunt called and told me that my Grandmother had gone to bed never to wake up again.

I will never forget that day.

I lost my angel.

I am not sure if I can do justice with words, exactly how much my grandmother meant to me. In a family where things were not great, she was my rock. When everyone else would abandon me or simply be too busy with their own lives, she was there for me always. I spent a lot of time with her.

I did not realize how much I learned from her at the time, but she really has shaped a large part of who I am.




It has been 5 years already but it still seems like yesterday to me. I remember her saying things like "everyone makes mistakes that's why there's erasers on pencils" and her always telling me I was smart and beautiful and I should not let people take it for granted. In my body I hated, she worked hard to teach me to love myself. She always had faith in me, and always supported me in any way I needed.

She was really the one person who could tell how I was feeling without me having to even say a word. I will never forget that. When I was miserable and wanting to hide away from a storm in life she would know just when to crawl into my space and pull me out. She did not let me quit on my life, she knew what I needed, love and support and she always gave it to me.

In a world where it seems few people really understand what I am going through, or even who I really am, it was nice to know Grandma was there. She really 'got me'. She was my angel, always guiding me down the right path, always ready to hold a light when I needed it.

She was also the glue that held our family together. She loved kids and always loved having her house filled with guests for the holidays. She would spend days preparing holiday special dishes and desserts and made sure everyone got together and celebrated. Family was important to her. And that is one thing I will never forget.

 

All I wish somedays, is that she got to be here when my own daughter was born. That she got to see how much becoming a mother would change me, how much she influenced my life choices and even though she is gone, how much she still influences the things I do. I know she is always watching over me, and I take comfort in that everyday. But sometimes it would be nice to be able to crawl back into her arms and let her hold me and hear her promise that everything will be ok.

So today, I will remember the woman who helped shaped the woman I have become. And I will thank God that she was a part of my life for as long as she was. I will remember the good times we had and smile. She touched my heart in many ways and I will always hold those memories with me.