When Your Dream Is Stolen

For the past 5 months I have been looking forward to one day, one race, one series of moments strung together. My life has changed a lot in the last 5 months, but this is one of the rocks, one of the things that I hung on to. I knew it was coming, I knew right around the corner there it stood. And I had it. I was confident I was a fighter, and nothing would shatter it.

Last year I went to the Boston Marathon expo and I vowed I would one day run the race. After losing 120 pounds, after running a half marathon, I knew that nothing would stop me from getting to that race. It is after all one of the biggest races of the entire year. People wait years to run Boston, and after they run it, they talk about it for years. Living in the Boston area it is even worse. When you tell people you run marathons they immediatly ask, Oh so do you run Boston? It is almost like a right of passage. I have never been to a race without seeing that Unicorn logo, never been able to escape it.

After I ran the Philadelphia marathon I had even more drive and determination to do it. I trained all winter, as hard as it is to train for a marathon in the winter in New England, I did it. For me Boston was worth it. I wanted my moment. I chased it. I even qualified in Hyannis in Febraury this year, for Boston next year. I ran a marathon in 3 hours and 31 minutes. Exactly 2 years from the day I was 252 pounds and a total couch potato.

I was fortunate enough back in December to get a number from the wonder charity organization

I ran for them last year for a half marathon in Boston, it seemed almost perfect that this year I would get to do it for the full marathon. I love the DetermiNation organization portion of the American Cancer Society, for me it gives me the opportunity to run an endurance race and raise money in memory of my Grandmothers who both died from cancer. I go to their events and help out all year long, I mentor other runners during their races, and I really enjoy it.

So when I was told last week that I would not be able to run I was in disbelief. All the work I have done for the past 4 months fundraising, training hard. In that moment I felt like it was all stolen away from me. I have been looking forward to April 16th for 5 months. I have family memebers who took a vacation day that day to be there to cheer me on and support me. This was supposed to be one of the high lights of my year this year.

This card that has been hanging on my refrigerator suddenly brought tears to my eyes

Everyday now I get emails about the marathon, the logistics of it, the things I need to do and places to be on that day. I just sit and look at them and fight back the tears. I look at that card everytime I go for something in the fridge and sigh.

It has kept me from having fun on runs. I have headed out and every single time I go out to run it consumes my thoughts. I do not even like getting on twitter, blogging, I have not really figured out how to process it all and be ok enough to talk about it.

A lot of other crap is all happening in my life, and it is really weighing me down. Now that this is lost as well. I really am beginning to get depressed.

I guess for now that is all I can really say about it.

How do you overcome a defeated moment or a stolen dream?