Lately I wonder about my focus and what that may be. I never thought about it much until the other day when my toddler said "Mommy focus" Now she has no idea what it means, but she repeated it because I say it to her often when she is trying to do too much at once. Although I must admit it sounded cute coming from her. But it did make me think that day, and more now a days on just what my focus is.
I have run marathons, I have lost a bunch of weight and become a lifetime member of Weight Watchers. I have even qualified for Boston. So I find myself feeling a little lost now that I have made some pretty hefty goals. That is the problem with goals, you set them and once you reach them you find yourself in this back slide.
I always find myself a little down after I hit a big milestone, not right away obviously because you are brimming with pride... But after a few days, maybe it takes up to a week or so, then I get this feeling of emptiness. I am a focuser on goals, I use them to catapult everything I do. When I have a goal I think I cannot reach it only makes me work harder. But when I am in between goals I find myself yearning for more.
I have tried to combat it, I have signed up for a few marathons and races in the coming weeks and months. I have decided I will go after those and keep training obviously. But I cannot help feeling it just is not enough. I do not feel that drive even during my training right now that I had before Hyannis. I know it has only been 2 weeks but I just do not remember it taking me this long to get back into the swing of things after the Philadelphia Marathon.
I think it is a combination of the fact that I am maintaining a weight loss now, as opposed to trying to lose weight and running just to run. I need to work on those things. I need to learn how to be ok with just eating healthy and not focusing on a scale every single week, I need to work on that big time. I also need to work on running just because I enjoy it.
For me that is the harder of the 2. I am competitive within myself and it is just my nature. I am not sure yet if I can be one of those runners who does races just to finish. I find myself craving more speed, further distances and a bigger rush each time I get out there. Maybe ultra running will become my thing, maybe I will become a faster marathoner. I have not decided what my true focus will be as of yet.
What is your focus? And how do you deal with post goal time periods?
4 comments:
Colleen,
You are such an inspiration to people like me, as you set and conquer your other goals, have you ever thought of doing something like the colleen's guide to running. many of us are in awe of your accomplishments. I sure you can parlay your new abilities to a business. Whatever your next focus, i know that you can do it. Lots of love to you and your little girl.
why to go on your goals Colleen keep up the awesome work.
It's taking me more time to reach my ultimate goal. My ultimate goal is to become an Ironman. This working out and running hasn't come as easy for me as it has for you. I read your blog and think of how lucky you are. Before my races, so that anxiety doesn't get to me, I have to set a goal of just finishing the race. Then, if I finish in a fast time, that's just icing on the cake. But, once I reach a fast time, my goal is to always get faster. If anybody can become a faster runner, it's definitely you.
I struggle with this too, after I've reached a goal or milestone...what next? Right? I also have learned to revel in the in-between time between goals and enjoyed the lack of structure too.
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