I think a lot sometimes, other times I try not to think at all.
Lately I wonder about my focus and what that may be. I never thought about it much until the other day when my toddler said "Mommy focus" Now she has no idea what it means, but she repeated it because I say it to her often when she is trying to do too much at once. Although I must admit it sounded cute coming from her. But it did make me think that day, and more now a days on just what my focus is.
I have run marathons, I have lost a bunch of weight and become a lifetime member of Weight Watchers. I have even qualified for Boston. So I find myself feeling a little lost now that I have made some pretty hefty goals. That is the problem with goals, you set them and once you reach them you find yourself in this back slide.
I always find myself a little down after I hit a big milestone, not right away obviously because you are brimming with pride... But after a few days, maybe it takes up to a week or so, then I get this feeling of emptiness. I am a focuser on goals, I use them to catapult everything I do. When I have a goal I think I cannot reach it only makes me work harder. But when I am in between goals I find myself yearning for more.
I have tried to combat it, I have signed up for a few marathons and races in the coming weeks and months. I have decided I will go after those and keep training obviously. But I cannot help feeling it just is not enough. I do not feel that drive even during my training right now that I had before Hyannis. I know it has only been 2 weeks but I just do not remember it taking me this long to get back into the swing of things after the Philadelphia Marathon.
I think it is a combination of the fact that I am maintaining a weight loss now, as opposed to trying to lose weight and running just to run. I need to work on those things. I need to learn how to be ok with just eating healthy and not focusing on a scale every single week, I need to work on that big time. I also need to work on running just because I enjoy it.
For me that is the harder of the 2. I am competitive within myself and it is just my nature. I am not sure yet if I can be one of those runners who does races just to finish. I find myself craving more speed, further distances and a bigger rush each time I get out there. Maybe ultra running will become my thing, maybe I will become a faster marathoner. I have not decided what my true focus will be as of yet.
What is your focus? And how do you deal with post goal time periods?