Yesterday was a hard day for me.
This is the first time I have no giddy race report to write, no beaming medal photos to share. It stings.
Honestly, since I finished the Hyannis Marathon and ran the best I ever have in my life it has been hard. I was on a tough training cycle for that marathon and it worked, I got what I wanted. But it left me in a less desirable condition physically then I would have liked.
My knee has been in pain ever since. I tried to run a few times that week and it was ok as long as I took it slow. Last Sunday I had to stop during my long run, at mile 8.5 because my knee gave out twice. It was the first time in my whole 18 months running that I quit during a long run. It bothered me, but I was determined to not give up and I took it easy but ran a few times during the week and felt ok.
Sunday I geared up to run the Half of Quincy. A half marathon in which I ran last year and loved. The course is beautiful, and I had several friends going so it was a fun filled day. I started the race feeling great, this was my first half marathon since November and I was eager to really race and get a PR because I knew I was physically in much better shape that I was in November. I knew I could pull sub 8 miles the entire way and I was for the entire beginning of the race.
And then my knee gave out after the hill around mile 5. At first it was a sharp pain, I knew it would come I was just not expecting it this soon. Then at mile 6 it gave out completely and I almost fell but I caught myself on my other leg. The pain was excruciating. By mile 7 I knew that it was not going to stop. I thought I could just slow down and shuffle my way in. But even that was hurting. So in tears I quit the race at mile 8.
I do have to say, at this point Sarah, from daily mile was shouting my name and stopped mid race and hugged me, she told me how much she loved reading about my runs/journey and how she has been wanting to meet me. I felt so touched, that someone knew me and felt that comradery from a fellow runner. Sarah, I am sorry I was not able to see you after the race but I know you finished strong, you looked great out there. And I needed that hug and to hear your kind words more than ever at that moment. So Thank you!
A million things went through my mind, I kept thinking about how I have never quit during a race, and how this entire journey of losing weight and running my motto has always been 'never give up' and now here I was doing just that. I was in a dark place all day. For more reasons than just the race. I have deeper issues than the knee going on but that is for other posts.
It was tough, but I made the choice to stop because I knew if I did not then I might not be running the Boston Marathon in a few weeks. I knew if I pushed myself on this race then it would put me out even longer and worse. So I sat down in tears and made my way to the police cruiser. It was kind of a night mare, I have never needed aide during a race and honestly I am thankful. No one helped me. I hobbled over to the officer and he called the ambulance.
I explained I did not want to go to the hospital that I just wanted a ride to my car. They could not bring me they said they were only allowed to bring people to the hospital. I sat down in dismay and wondered how I would get all the way back to the start area since I was many miles away and in pain. Then the officer offered to bring me once his detail was done in about 20 minutes, I thought that was so nice. And he did. I am so thankful for him!
I got back to my car and did one of the only things I know would help, wrapped in Arctic Ease and cried. I just felt miserable not from the pain physically, but more mentally. It was tough.I took a picture, even though I did not want to because I want to remember how I felt. I needed to have this to remind myself how it feels, later on.
A new low in the running arena for me. But I had to learn that not everyday will be a PR, or even a finish, some days it is wiser to sit down and accept defeat.
I debated just driving home at that point, but I had friends running and I knew I had to support them no matter what, and I am glad I stayed because both Heather and Brenna had PR days!
I am so proud of those 2!!! Great job girls, I am so glad we got to be there to run with you and thank you for being there to help me feel better. I was glad that even though I did not finish, I had supportive friends there with me to lean on.
Thank you everyone who has been supportive. I know I have opened up a lot on here and I have received so much support. It means a lot to me and has helped me trough the journey.