Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Never used to bother me.
Now I sit alone at night and I despise it. In fact I have such a hard time now that it has caused me to not sleep much.
Really it is the loneliest part of the day. You can stay busy all day long, I have peanut to take care of she keeps me going. I have friends I can call and talk to and go see. I have work going on. I have tons to do. I stay busy and keep my mind off things.
And then slowly the clock ticks down and it gets later and later. And everyone starts going to bed, or off to watch tv and live their lives. It is dark outside and the sun has left for the day. Much like everything else. And I sit and my mind starts to wonder. I start to think about life, where mine is headed and am I making the right choices.
I start to just think because well when you are alone at night there is not much else you can do. I cannot leave the house, I cannot go for a run or even a nice walk because my toddler is sleeping soundly. But it would not probably matter much anyways because what normal person roams outside late at night?
Normally night time is catch up time with a spouse or partner. It is the quiet time after dinner and craziness of the day that you can sit and unwind and relax and talk. When you live with a person for many years you develop that routine. Even if you are not talking, or in the same room, the house is still not empty.
Night time. No matter where I am whether home, or away on business, I still cannot over come this empty lonely feeling when night falls. I keep telling myself it will pass, that I will adjust. That one day I will enjoy having my quiet night time and look forward to it all day. I am just not sure when that day will be. I have always been a people person. I need to be around other people, I crave that daily human interaction.
For me, being alone, the hardest part of the day is night time. It is the loneliest part of it all.
Labels: My Thoughts