Goodbye is hard.
Like the setting of the sun it gets dark for quite some time before we see the light again.
I have wrestled with blogging about it, not blogging about it. I guess I still am teetering with it. But it is a part of my journey and to date I have shared this journey here on my blog. So I did not think it would be fair if I stopped now. No matter how I may be judged it is what it is. And it will be what it will be.
These past few weeks have been some of the most trying in my life so far. I am saying goodbye to the person who has been my partner and friend for the last 9 years.
When I think about it, I never imagined it would happen. I never imagined that I would be the one that would be the catalyst for it all. I did not imagine my journey would land me right in this very spot at this very time.
I am sad, because saying goodbye is so hard to do. But I know that the sadness will ease and in time I will heal. It just takes time. There is also this immense feeling of guilt. That I changed so much and cannot go back. This feels like a selfish move for me.
The problem is, I am so happy with my life as it is. I love running, I love being at a healthy weight, I love being around my family and friends and smiling. I do not love being made to feel guilty when those things are not liked by someone else. I do not like feeling like I have to make excuses for going after the goals I want.
What I am learning about this entire process and what I am grateful for is that I have friends. Some good friends and some of which have been through this very same process and who have given me some great advice throughout this journey. I have learned to lean on them and let them hold me up on days when I feel like falling.
So just like sun setting today may be dark, and it might take time for the sunshine to come back. But I know that one day I will see the sunrise again and that this time it will be alright and I will be happier than I ever have been in my entire life.