Like the setting of the sun it gets dark for quite some time before we see the light again.
I have wrestled with blogging about it, not blogging about it. I guess I still am teetering with it. But it is a part of my journey and to date I have shared this journey here on my blog. So I did not think it would be fair if I stopped now. No matter how I may be judged it is what it is. And it will be what it will be.
These past few weeks have been some of the most trying in my life so far. I am saying goodbye to the person who has been my partner and friend for the last 9 years.
When I think about it, I never imagined it would happen. I never imagined that I would be the one that would be the catalyst for it all. I did not imagine my journey would land me right in this very spot at this very time.
I am sad, because saying goodbye is so hard to do. But I know that the sadness will ease and in time I will heal. It just takes time. There is also this immense feeling of guilt. That I changed so much and cannot go back. This feels like a selfish move for me.
The problem is, I am so happy with my life as it is. I love running, I love being at a healthy weight, I love being around my family and friends and smiling. I do not love being made to feel guilty when those things are not liked by someone else. I do not like feeling like I have to make excuses for going after the goals I want.
What I am learning about this entire process and what I am grateful for is that I have friends. Some good friends and some of which have been through this very same process and who have given me some great advice throughout this journey. I have learned to lean on them and let them hold me up on days when I feel like falling.
So just like sun setting today may be dark, and it might take time for the sunshine to come back. But I know that one day I will see the sunrise again and that this time it will be alright and I will be happier than I ever have been in my entire life.
20 comments:
{{{{hugs}}}}}
tough to post, for sure.
i am very happy for you. taking this step is certainly in the right direction for you. you want to grow, you NEED to grow.
you
will
grow.
:)
You are a strong person and I know you'll come through this even stronger.
Sending hugs to you!
Sending ginormous squishy hugs to you my friend. I'm so sorry but you're right, you need to do what is right for you and Peanut. Love you, girl.
Sending you good thoughts and prayers.
"hugs"
{Great BIG Hugs} for you. I can imagine how hard this is for you, but you have showed us your strength though this process. As you said there will be light again, and I know that you will be okay. It will be hard at times but as you have shown, even NE weather does not stop your training. Lots of support and hugs for you.
It IS hard to say goodbye - esp to something/someone who has been in your life for so long. But you're doing the right (and very brave thing).stay strong. hugs.
You are one of the strongest people that I "know". And I can't imagine what this has been doing to you mentally. I just want you to know that I am thinking of you and hope that this decision brings you the true happiness that you deserve.
(hugs) girl. Goodbyes are hard. So is change & growth. But in the end things work out the way they are supposed to. I know that doesn't make it any easier though.
To be successful in all of this takes a lifestyle change and that can take us so far away from the people we used to know. They too have a decision to make, stay where they are or come with us. I personally can no longer be around people who do not have healthy goals in mind or will not support me in my changes.. but it is more than just that, it is about having a much healthier and positive attitude and seizing the day.
Thinking of you girl.... hang in there.
You are strong and on the right path, happiness will find you again! :)
I have been impressed with the strength and courage that you have shown to take control of your life and committ to your personal happiness. I can't imagine how difficult this step is, but am confident that you will show the same strength and courage. Peace...
That does take a lot of courage to do. But, you have been making yourself stronger through other changes you have made in your life. If another person can not or does not like those changes, then that brings forth even harder decisions. It's good that you noticed it and you will be a better person in the long run.
Thoughts and prayers go out to you! You are such a strong person!
So sorry to hear Colleen, but it sounds like you've come so far and you will get through this as well.
Take care.
Deb
I'm so sorry! But you are right...noone should make you feel bad about who you are and who you want to be. I'm proud of you for being so strong!
((hugs)) it is very sad to say goodbye to someone that's been in your life for that long, in particular. You have such support from everyone here, and in your life, you can get through, this of course, AS sad as it is. Hang in there
I'm just reading this now. I imagine you feel a sadness mixed with expectation.
Reminds me of Psalm 5:
In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice;
in the morning I lay my requests before you
and wait in expectation.
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