This is My Life

Do you ever do something by accident and it turns out to be one of those happy accidents that makes your day? That happened to me yesterday I was downloading some new tunes on amazon.com (I am addicted now to changing my running soundtrack) So yes I was searching for music and stumbled upon a rock song I have never heard of by a band that no longer exists apparently lol.

The song is called "Divine Intervention" and it is by the band formerly known as Dial 8. Never ever heard of them but I liked the beat of the song and it was cheap so I clicked buy. I did not even fully listen to it until I was at the gym today.

The lyrics, spoke to me, especially after having a not so good weigh in I needed it. They go like this:

This is my life and I will do as a I choose
And this is my life so forget about you
All I want is to be here so why don't you just leave me alone
Why do I try to be everything to everyone?
This is divine intervention and beautiful grace
This is MY LIFE
This is my time and my place


That kept repeating in my head! I loved it. They probably thought I was crazy at the gym when I got into the song while speeding on the elliptical hehe oh well.

After the emotional roller coaster week I had, I needed to hear something like this and just remember this journey it is mine. This is my choice, I want to hit certain goals, I need to stop worrying about what other people are telling me and just do what the hell I want.

I want to get to goal weight, I want that stupid little lifetime member Weight Watchers pass. because to me it is not stupid, to me it is the culmination of the past 18 months on this healthy journey. To me it means I can actually for the first time in 10 years say I went from being morbidly obese to a healthy weight! And I did it on my own without pills, surgery, or even a personal trainer.

I do not care who thinks I am already small enough, bony, veiny (yes I have heard it all this week). I was up 3 pounds since my weigh in 3 weeks ago. I was upset for 5 seconds and more disappointed for a few hours. I need need need to stop the bullshit and just get to that magic number of 150. Despite what my body shows those last few pounds are hiding somewhere. I have 22% body fat according to the caliper I ordered 2 weeks ago. Yes I wish I had measured my body fat percent since day 1. I only wish I would love to know how much fat I have cut, I know it is a lot because I went from a size 18 to a 2 these past 18 months. I do not need the caliper but it is reassuring lol

I want to lose 10 more pounds, yes a lot of people tell me this is crazy but again this is MY LIFE. I want to run faster I want to be leaner, to do this I need to weigh a little less. At 5'5 I am still considered over weight by my BMI. My BMI weight range for a healthy weight is 150-120 pounds. And for Weight Watchers you need to pick a goal weight for life time status within that range. So I picked 150, this is the top of my BMI class. I am secretly shooting for a bit more but I need to get to 150 first and stay there! I am mad because I was 150.4 only 3 weeks ago! Not running and lifting heavier weights for 2 weeks seems to have caused a shift, and I am ok with this.

But now, running is back in full swing!! I was so happy to get my early morning runs in this week! Monday was 3.1, Tuesday was 5, Wednesday was cross training, Thursday was 6, and Friday was 3.2. Tomorrow is my long run, the first official one of my marathon training so I am excited about that. I am confident that now I am running more I will drop the last few pounds and get to goal weight.

So this is my time to shine!!! Like the song says I will do as I choose! I will keep training and complete that marathon on November and I will keep working to be healthy and happy. Because I want to feel this alive for the rest of my life.

Do you have songs which keep you inspired while you workout or even just in your car driving?

I would love to hear them!

My First Salad Dressing Attempt

Well the whole going clean and paleo with my eating experimenting has been interesting to say the least!!!

I must admit the thought of giving up my natural low fat salad dressings was enough to make me want to run away, but I told myself to give it a fair shot.

So I attempted to make a salad dressing from the book Paleo for Athletes and it came out surprisingly good!

This one is a flaxseed oil based dressing.

I started with some nice fresh ingredients:

1/3 cup flaxseed oil
1/2 of a red pepper
1 medium tomato
1 tsp mustard powder
3 tsp lemon juice

I blended it all in my ninja blender:

And that was it! Literally not even 10 minutes to make your own healthy fresh salad dressing....

I wondered why I had been stressing out about finding gluten free healthy dressings for the past few years and did not start doing this sooner.... Live and learn I guess :)

I portioned it out into little individual containers so it would be lunch bag packable friendly ;)

I got it to 6 servings for 3 points plus per serving. You could stretch it to 8 or play around with the oil. I may try to use olive oil next week and use less and more veggies and perhaps even some almond milk. I will keep posting the new ones I like though! :)

Do you make your own dressing?

The Darker Side of Things

You lose a lot of weight.

You work so very hard every single day to make changes and implement a new lifestyle.

You are supposed to be happy and celebrate it all.

We see this all the time, we give each other support and congratulations.

We even have parties to celebrate our big loss.

What I did not get prepared for is the changes inside of me, in my mind, my personality, and how it would affect my relationships. I did not realize how much I had changed. And I did not realize people would not be as receptive to those changes as I am.

When I was obese I was lazy. I would sleep in, get up eventually, make breakfast, lounge around all day. I was not confident in myself, so I would do whatever it took to make the people who were in my life happy. I was very giving, I would not complain when people tried to use me. Most of the time I was just grateful they were in my life. I was shy and introverted. I was the worst possible version of myself. The problem is: the people in my life liked that girl and were used to her.

Then I began changing. I stopped being lazy. I stopped being content to lounge around all day and do everything for everyone else. I started speaking up for myself and going out alone to do things. I stopped worrying about what people thought of me and started listening to the voice inside me.

The girl I see in the mirror now a days is not content to sit back and be walked all over. This has done well for me in some aspects of my life. It has made me a better employee. It has caused me to be much more confident at work and I know I am a far better manager than I was before this journey began.

But at home, in my personal life, it has become a long drawn out war. A war within myself and the members of my circle who may not love and welcome this new girl with open arms. For the first time in my entire adult life I am finally happy. I am finally in love with myself, and I finally know how I want to spend the rest of my life. You would think your life would be perfect at this moment with such clarity, such happiness?

Well I am sorry to say that it is not. Losing a lot of weight is great for your body, and wonderful for your health. But it can put a strain on relationships, it may cause you to realize the people you loved for so long are not the best people for you to be around. It may turn your life upside down for awhile. Lately I feel more and more, that it is hard for me to keep negative people around me who do not understand why I want and need to work so hard everyday. I will work hard to maintain some relationships because in all fairness they need time to adjust as well. This body and life style change did not change over night, so I can be patient and give it some time to sink in. But I do know that the relationships need to change just as I have.

It will require a change in all aspects of my life to sustain this happiness I have found. It will require these people who say they love me to learn to love the new me and embrace her. I know one thing is for sure the shy introverted insecure girl died about 7 months ago after finishing a few 5Ks ;)

Have you dealt with changes in your life that altered friendships permanently?

Sweet Potato Wedges

I spoke about these on twitter and got a lot of questions for the recipe. Well to be honest I was not sure how to respond, to me it is not a special recipe hehe just some work in the kitchen. But I realized it may be a new idea for some people so I took pictures and will explain them for you!

You start with your sweet potatoes and wash and scrub them.

Then I microwave mine for a few minutes. This makes them slightly soft enough to cut.

Then you slice them into wedges. (I leave the skin on for extra nutrients, some prefer to peel them)

I toss them into a big container and sprinkle cinnamon on and cover it and shake it up!

Then spread onto a sprayed cookie sheet.

And bake for about 30 minutes or so until tender and yummy!

They make a great snack. I bag them and weight them and write the points plus value right on the bag! I like to eat them cold after a workout :)

Oh ya and bonus? Peanut loves em too ;)

How do you like to make sweet potatoes?

My Big Kitchen Preperation for Paleo and Marathon Training

It is an exciting time here in the Fit Bee house hehe I am gearing up to begin marathon training officially back to running and I have decided to change some eating habits as well.

I have decided I will be 90% Paleo with my eating but still sticking to Weight Wacthers points plus. I know I like to keep things interesting and follow what works for my body. So basically I will still have this in the morning for breakfast with frozen berries or peaches:

When the bag is gone I may not buy another and test the waters 100% no whole grains, we shall see. For now I plan to keep having it in the mornings after my workout.

I got the book Paleo for Athletes and it has some great information. It makes sense after reading more and more about the science behind the nutrition. I will be sharing the switch with you all as much as I have time to! It is so busy around here with me training, working, and getting through some classes for school.

So my main focus with my eating habits will be: lean protein, vegetables, low sugar fruits, and nuts from time to time. So this weekend I went grocery shopping as I usually do and prepared more this week than I have been. I actually washed and bagged fruit and veggies. I actually weighed my chicken breast and wrote the points plus values on the ziplock baggies.

One major change will be my beloved coffee!!! My good friend and inspiration Donloree has been telling me give up artificial sweeteners give em up! Well I am listening to you my dear and was sad doing this:

Yes my coffee will be black! I am giving it a solid 2 weeks to sink in hehe as I do all tough habits I try to instill within myself ;) No more coconut creamer, no more artificial sweeteners! Hold me I am a bit scared LOL

SO my fridge looks ready to feed a small army:

And I have plenty of lean protein ready in the freezer (and some extra veggies just incase )

I made a dressing for my salads and sweet potato wedges as well! I will share the recipes this week I promise :) i boiled some eggs to have on hand for a mid morning snack! I chopped up strawberries, cantaloupe, and black berries for snacks.

I am getting mixed reactions about making these changes. I have gotten a few eye rolls from people I won't name LOL My argument is this: I have Celiac disease and I was dairy free for the past few months. In my mind going to the entire no more processed food and cutting out the last few "unnatural" items from my diet just seems par for the course. It is not like I am going from eating junk food to paleo over night. This is a transition I have been working on for the past 16 months. I already cook and prep every week, now I just have a bit different things. There will be no more soy yogurt, daiya cheese, pre made salad dressings, artificial sweeteners, sugar, and things of that nature. There will be plenty of whole some nutrition!

I want to run my first marathon in November and be in great physical shape. My theory is if you want to perform like a well conditioned athlete you must eat and train like one. I want my body to perform at its very best so I plan to nurture it with the very best food choices.

Do you prepare food ahead of time on the weekends to help keep you on track during the week?