Old Pictures

I must confess I cringe when I find old pictures of myself...

I like finding them because it reminds me how far I have come..... But these hurt me more because they are not progress pictures. These are pictures of me out, enjoying my life at an unhealthy weight. During these times I did not think I had a problem, or maybe I was in denial of the entire issue.

The old me is gone and I must admit I do not miss her. But I will keep her pictures around to remind myself of what I am fighting for each and every day. And exactly who I have become and why I work so damn hard.

Do you take progress pictures? Do you enjoy looking back at old pictures?

My Reality Check

I decided to break out my Points Plus scale tonight and get back on the program of weighing my lean protein and carbohydrates like brown rice etc. Why am I doing this?

I know some of you are like what shes doing well? Well I am doing ok. In my opinion during any health journey you start to get cocky and you start to slack off. It happens to the best of us and you know what it has been happening to me a lot lately. more than I have wanted to admit to myself or any of you.

Do I know why? Yep. Am I making excuses? Nope. I have been working so hard training so much for this half marathon that it is causing me to say to myself 'hey you ran a lot this week go ahead have an extra piece of chicken breast' or 'sure have an extra coffee today you are tired'. All of this has led to me not meeting my goals for the Power of One challenge and not sticking to my normal consistent 8 pounds lost each month. In Janurary I lost 5.6lbs and for me this is just unacceptable.


So all I know is this: I can be better, I can get to goal weight and I know how to do it. So I am going back to basics week 1 Weight Watchers mentality. I cooked my chicken tonight and weighed it on the scale, I knew it was 4 points this time and felt good about it. I weighed my brown rice 3 points worth, this is all I needed and mixed it with some veggies to make it more filling. And I had a nice dinner. And I will keep doing this because this is what works. I will track every single bite every single day.

I know I will get to 100 pounds lost very soon. 10 more to go, and then about 7 till I reach my lifetime goal Weight Watchers weight of 145. I must be a lifetime member by Fitbloggin :)

I am going to Fitbloggin!

Normally i do not post 2 posts on the same day but this could not wait!

I am so excited I am going to be at Fitbloggin this year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was not going to go but an opportunity arrose and I jumped on it!!!

Fitbloggin for those of you who have not heard of it is a blogging confrence for anyone who blogs about health, food, fitness etc. It is a time when everyone can get together to learn more about health and wellness, listen to motivational speakers and just have fun meeting everyone.

So I just wanted to let you all know that I will be there and I am oh so excited to be meeting you all and it will be so much fun. I cannot wait to run the 5k either!

Will you be at Fitbloggin? 

Weigh in Wednesday and Power of One Week 5

Wednesday is here again. I weighed in last night at my Weight Watchers meeting as usual. I was glad I sat through the meeting because I was a little bummed out by my weigh in. No loss this week I stayed the same. I cannot even take a picture of it because I dropped my phone in the snow this morning on my way to the gym and I am waiting patiently over night hoping it dries out!

So I still weigh162.4. The total for the challenge is still 5.6lbs lost. Kind of really disappointed in myself since it has been 5 full weeks. That is only a loss of about 1.1lbs per week. I have been focusing on running a lot since my half marathon is only 25 days away and I am not sure if this focus has caused me to not focus so much on my eating. Well I guess it obviously has because my body is not dropping the weight on a consistent 2lb a week basis anymore. I am weight training 3 days a week and this can also be the reason for the slower decreases. Whatever it is, I want to dig more into it. I guess the closer I am coming to goal the more impatient I am getting.

I was hoping to hit 100 pounds lost in total by my 1 year healthy journey anniversary on February 24th. It does not look like I will reach this goal and I am a bit upset by this. Again I know I should be happy I have lost 90.2lbs to date and I am on the right track I am down from a size 18 to a size 4. I am running an average of 20 miles a week. I am doing so good at everything else I just am not seeing those big losses on the scale right now.

I always see so many of you hating the scale and saying do not focus on it as much so I am going to put faith in you all and try try my hardest not to. It is just aggravating when you are so close to goal but it takes forever to reach it. I will not let these final few pounds keep me down! I am looking forward to taking my measurements at the end of this challenge and seeing how many inches I lost. Hopefully it is better than the physical numbers on the scale.

My shopping spree

Well today I finally had time to go to get myself a present for hitting my 90 pounds lost mark. I took peanut and mr. bee because he admits finally he will attempt to start running. Yay this makes me oh so happy since I want us to have something we can do together. He is one of those lucky people who can eat whatever they want and not gain a pound. But I think running will be good for him since he was a soccer player until he graduated college. It will give him an outlet for his energy. But anyways yes its about me hahahaha

So yes the store we headed to was City Sports. I will admit I was unimpressed and disappointed! First of all customer service was horrible, it was completely empty in there and not one of the 5 people working asked us if we needed help. I mean hello we were standing at the wall of sneakers and you do not think we need to try one on? I dunno it just made me mad. Long story short he tried on 2 pairs he didn't like either and no one even made any offer or suggestions so we bought no sneakers from them. I saw they had Vibrams too! I was itching to just try them on and talk to someone about them but again no help so I was a lil sad. So I grabbed a foam roller and then we headed out.

I chose a simple cheap one since it is my first experience with them and I am unsure how I will like it or use it. But every runner I speak to seems to say it is something that is a must!
The dogs seemed intrigued by it haha

So we went into the New Balance store. Right away I knew it was going to be good. They have a freaking treadmill right there in the store so you can actually run in the shoes before you buy them! This is so awesome!!!! So we were greeted right away and the gentleman working was so helpful he worked with mr. bee and got him into shoes perfect for his feet. He ran on the treadmill and was impressed as well. Of course I was in love with a new pair of shoes for myself... I know I know but I have not gotten new shoes since my 75lbs reward to myself and I felt it was time. You cannot mess around when it comes to good running shoes right?

SO I ended up with these:

The 1064's since they have more cushion and I have been doing more treadmill running thanks to old man winter. I tried them out for 1 mile tonight on the treadmill and they seemed to be nice and light. I will do more with them this week and let you know how it goes.

Well there you have it another successful shopping trip haha. I know this was more of a splurge than a simple reward but I just figured it would be better to have good shoes for my 13.1 in 26 days eek! ;)

How do you reward yourself?

Wake me up

Another long run finished today. I guess speed training this week was a success since I finished 8 miles in 73:10 a new fast time for me ;). I am elated, I am excited. I am still kind of wobbly in shock. In 27 days I will be here running my first half marathon!

It still does not seem real. This journey it has been long, I am approaching my 1 year anniversary with Weight Watchers and my new lifestyle and sometimes I feel like I am living in a dream. It has been a long 11 months and I have learned so much and I am so grateful.

It seems like just yesterday I was huffing and puffing while walking up the stairs to put my daughter to bed or change the laundry. Feels like I was just spending the night crying because another outfit I loved did no longer fit. I can still hear the words in my head "you fat bitch" the favorite dis people would use. I can still feel the sorrow and disgust I felt every time I looked in the mirror. They were dark days and they haunt me. I was so unhappy for so long.

If you see me now you would not even know that girl existed. I show people pictures of the old me and they do not believe it is even me. Its crazy. It makes you realize how much you have accomplished and when you do realize it that day, it hits you like a ton of bricks. I never knew that what I was doing was going to have an impact on anyone. I started going to Weight Watchers because I was tired of being fat. I never thought, never honestly imaging that it would turn into a total life changing event and make me this happy and this free.

 It still seems surreal to me and it is still like I am living in a dream. I wonder when I will wake up and the old body will be here. I still reach for an XL or search for my old sizes. I still feel fat sometimes. And you know what? I am grateful for it all. I am grateful that I went through it because I know I will never allow myself to get like that again.

I think about those size 18 pants hanging in my closet every time I feel I am tempted or feeling an urge to binge. I will keep them as a reminder of what the alternative is and that food is just food. In no way shape or form am I perfect. Do I still have urges to binge? Of course. Do I still want to dive into a gallon of ice cream? Yes. But I am working, working ever so hard to fight them and remind myself of how happy I am without those things and for the most part its working.

Really this turned into all the mixed jumbled thoughts racing in my head sorry! but it feels good to get it out ;)

Do you ever doubt yourself? Or do you still live in the past?

Just remember... Anything is possible if you believe in yourself.