Sometimes people judge me.
Well unfortunately every one gets judged at some point or another. But living healthy in a sometimes unhealthy world can be tough. I am the girl who carries a lunch bag to pretty much every where. I love my big salad for lunch, fruits and veggies for snacks, and protein. That is it. Pretty simple and I get weird looks sometimes but oh well.
But the problem I face lately is well it is the holiday season! It seems everyone wants me to have something bad like a piece of candy, cupcake etc There really is just a lot of junk out there. And then when you go visit people it is the same problem. Well I turn them down for several reasons.
One, I have celiac disease and a dairy intolerance. Both of which leave me terribly sick when I eat it. I get tired sometimes of being questioned about it so I just say no thank you to the cookies laced with wheat flour. But every once in awhile that no thank you is not good enough and I get the well why don't you want one. I'm allergic, then comes wow that stinks don't you miss bread? Most times I smile and say oh yes its tough. Because usually it is enough to quiet people. In my mind I'm like geez rub it in why don't ya?
Two, I'm an addict. This is where my issues really lay. I was addicted to cigarettes for 5 years I quit but only successfully when I went cold turkey. I became addicted to sugar sometime in my teens and my body began packing on the pounds. For me sugar is comfort. It is a cozy warm place that makes me feel at peace. I know it sounds crazy!
When I'm stressed I crave sugar. After a meal I want sugar. At night I want it. If I could live off of chocolate and sugar oh I would I promise you. The reality is obviously I cannot. Well I cannot healthfully do so anyways. I have to quit sugar. And I have done it pretty successfully this year. I went back on some post marathon and obviously you know what happened...
So now when I turn it down and get the eye rolls it bugs me. I am tired of the oh my gosh do you ever cheat from that diet you do? Don't you miss it?
I want to smack them sometimes lol but now that would simply be uncivilized. I want to ask if they would offer an alcoholic a drink and ask them if they miss it? If they would offer and encourage me to cheat from my diet of quitting smoking once in awhile to... I'm not kidding this runs through my mind. I know it sounds extreme but then again isn't being morbidly obese unhealthy too? For me the taste of something sugary makes me want more and more. I cannot just have a bite of candy and walk away.
Maybe one day I will be able to but for now I just can't. There are other unhealthy foods I can taste and not crave more of, like french fries or chips things like this do not send me into that craving more mode like sugar. So I do what any recovering addict does and stay away from the sugar beast completely.
I obviously keep these thoughts in my head and smile and politely say no I do not miss it and proceed to quickly change the subject. But man if they only knew what swirls through my mind ;)