I'm sitting here in my hotel room crying.
I thought this night would be different.
I thought a lot of things about this weekend.
But I got bad news last night, one of our dogs Benny took off from my sisters house.He ran away and was struck by a car, getting killed instantly.
I was running around Friday night at a race expo hanging out with my runner friends and back at home my pup was leaving us.
When I got the news Saturday evening it was tough. Me and T sat there crying. It was hard to believe that little guy would not be waiting for us when we got home. It hurt. I felt like it was my fault.
When you train for a marathon and race in general you make some sacrifices. I missed things this season, I spent time away from the family, but never did I imagine this would happen. I blamed myself and just hid under the covers for the rest of the night.
I really considered heading home that night and just saying eff it. I missed my dog and I felt like just hiding out for awhile. Then my sister called. She was on her way from Boston driving after taking tests for school, she was due to arrive at midnight! She told me I had worked so hard for this and I had to do it, and she would be there to kick my ass if needed. And you all online here on twitter, kept encouraging me to do it and make me feel better. I appreciated it all.
I decided I had to do it obviously I had come so far and trained so hard all for this day. I decided I would not let Benny down and run my heart out for him.
Benny was a great dog, the kind that followed you around everywhere. The kind of dog you can walk out of the house with off lease and not worry. I would take him on little car trips all the time, he was my little side kick. He came into our lives after I lost my grandmother while grieving I needed something to help me through, Benny did that for me. And when my daughter was born they became quickly inseperable...
Benny you were such a big part of our family and you will be missed greatly.
I thought this night would be different.
I thought a lot of things about this weekend.
Our Mr. Ben in the red football jersey
I was running around Friday night at a race expo hanging out with my runner friends and back at home my pup was leaving us.
When I got the news Saturday evening it was tough. Me and T sat there crying. It was hard to believe that little guy would not be waiting for us when we got home. It hurt. I felt like it was my fault.
When you train for a marathon and race in general you make some sacrifices. I missed things this season, I spent time away from the family, but never did I imagine this would happen. I blamed myself and just hid under the covers for the rest of the night.
I really considered heading home that night and just saying eff it. I missed my dog and I felt like just hiding out for awhile. Then my sister called. She was on her way from Boston driving after taking tests for school, she was due to arrive at midnight! She told me I had worked so hard for this and I had to do it, and she would be there to kick my ass if needed. And you all online here on twitter, kept encouraging me to do it and make me feel better. I appreciated it all.
I decided I had to do it obviously I had come so far and trained so hard all for this day. I decided I would not let Benny down and run my heart out for him.
The day before he left us.
Benny you were such a big part of our family and you will be missed greatly.
12 comments:
I'm so so so sorry. Losing a pet is so hard. <3
"hugs" I'm so sorry to hear what happened.
so, so, so sorry to hear. The courage and strength you had to have to run it after that news, wow.
I'm so sorry to hear about Benny! Thoughts and prayers go out to you!
I'm so sorry about your puppy. Thats just devastating. Don't give up though. You're going to do great during the marathon. You've been quite the inspiration to me, and I know, to others.
Take care of your self, and don't forget to be awesome!
Im in tears reading this.. I'm so impressed by the courage it took you to get out there and still run that marathon. ((hugs))
Colleen, I have to say I was one of those horrible people who tweeted a suggestion that you hang in there and go ahead with the marathon because you'd planned it for so long and I was worried you might regret NOT going ahead.
I worried after that I'd overstepped some boundary and - having lost my father just a month ago - wondered how I'd react to someone telling me to 'suck it up'.
I'm glad you continued on and have started your recovery. Blogs are excellent for sharing thoughts and feelings in that respect.
Deb
Colleen, I have to say I was one of those horrible people who tweeted a suggestion that you hang in there and go ahead with the marathon because you'd planned it for so long and I was worried you might regret NOT going ahead.
I worried after that I'd overstepped some boundary and - having lost my father just a month ago - wondered how I'd react to someone telling me to 'suck it up'.
I'm glad you continued on and have started your recovery. Blogs are excellent for sharing thoughts and feelings in that respect.
Deb
I am so sorry for your loss.
I am so sad for your loss. I am SUCH a softie with pets and animals in general. I'm glad you ran this race despite how sad you were. Hugs friend.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Pets are so much a part of our families. ((hugs)) to you, T and your daughter.
I'm so sorry about Benny, Colleen. : (
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