Every time I discuss my journey I usually always get asked the same kinds of questions. Sometimes I am at a loss for words. Sometimes I cannot stop talking about it. But the farther along I seem to get, the more I have learned and realized about myself.
Recently I realized what drives me to keep going. You see for most of the past 10 years I was just merely existing. Taking up space on the couch, helping increase candy and prescription sales, eating myself into bad health. It sounds harsh, but it is really kind of the sad truth. I had nothing driving me I had nothing to push for.
Then I had a child and I thought that would do it. I thought once I became a 'mom' that I would feel less alone and have more motivation in life. Well funny thing is having a child made me feel worse for awhile. I sunk into a depression after she was born that clouded me for sometime. I loved being a mom but I did not love myself.
Then I decided I would start losing weight and working out and joined weight watchers the whole bit. And for sometime it was working the weight was coming off and I began to feel ok.
Then I started running. When I started running and really thinking about entering my first 5k it began to get exciting. All of a sudden I was doing something for me, just me. I was not a mom when I was out there running, I was not the chubby girl trying to lose weight. I was a runner and I was competitive.
I woke up the competitor within myself that I never knew existed. All of a sudden I began racing against myself and each week was a new challenge to get faster and run further than the week before.
And I was having fun too!! I started looking for races and I started dreaming big. I set my sights on a half marathon after 2 5ks and set a time goal, complete it in under 2 hours, and I worked hard for months to get there, and I did. And it felt amazing, I felt amazing. More importantly I was living for myself and doing something I never dreamed possible.
What keeps me going? That competitive edge within me. It drives my spirit when I'm tired, it makes me run when its cold, it keeps me going even when I may want to give up. It never says enough is enough. And I love the fact that it exists within me.
So I ask you what drives you? Have you found q competitor within you? Or is it something else? I have a friend who claims she just wants to look good naked. I love how she has found what works for her and embraces it.
Have you done that for yourself yet?
3 comments:
Your blog is very inspiring!!
Myself, I have taken the weight loss journey and lost over 100lbs, back in 2008-I went from a size 18, down to a size 5.
Though, after my wedding and moving away from the city where the amazing journey took place and my personal trainer was - the weight has very slowly came back on over the past 3 years. It's upsetting. And in the past year I found myself getting back into those bad habits-skipping my workouts, not watching what I was eating. Last week I found your blog- and you have inspired me to continue my journey - it never stops. It will always be a work in progress.
I can really relate to your comments about the fact that you WERE just 'taking up space'. That's how I feel.
I am a naturally competitive person and I do push myself when I work out, but I haven't yet found the motivation / thing that drives me.... but I will keep searching!
Deb
aww what a great post!! So true, that once i started running I was always competing with myself to see if I could go a little faster or a littler farther.
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