The song is called "Divine Intervention" and it is by the band formerly known as Dial 8. Never ever heard of them but I liked the beat of the song and it was cheap so I clicked buy. I did not even fully listen to it until I was at the gym today.
The lyrics, spoke to me, especially after having a not so good weigh in I needed it. They go like this:
This is my life and I will do as a I choose
And this is my life so forget about you
All I want is to be here so why don't you just leave me alone
Why do I try to be everything to everyone?
This is divine intervention and beautiful grace
This is MY LIFE
This is my time and my place
That kept repeating in my head! I loved it. They probably thought I was crazy at the gym when I got into the song while speeding on the elliptical hehe oh well.
After the emotional roller coaster week I had, I needed to hear something like this and just remember this journey it is mine. This is my choice, I want to hit certain goals, I need to stop worrying about what other people are telling me and just do what the hell I want.
I want to get to goal weight, I want that stupid little lifetime member Weight Watchers pass. because to me it is not stupid, to me it is the culmination of the past 18 months on this healthy journey. To me it means I can actually for the first time in 10 years say I went from being morbidly obese to a healthy weight! And I did it on my own without pills, surgery, or even a personal trainer.
I do not care who thinks I am already small enough, bony, veiny (yes I have heard it all this week). I was up 3 pounds since my weigh in 3 weeks ago. I was upset for 5 seconds and more disappointed for a few hours. I need need need to stop the bullshit and just get to that magic number of 150. Despite what my body shows those last few pounds are hiding somewhere. I have 22% body fat according to the caliper I ordered 2 weeks ago. Yes I wish I had measured my body fat percent since day 1. I only wish I would love to know how much fat I have cut, I know it is a lot because I went from a size 18 to a 2 these past 18 months. I do not need the caliper but it is reassuring lol
I want to lose 10 more pounds, yes a lot of people tell me this is crazy but again this is MY LIFE. I want to run faster I want to be leaner, to do this I need to weigh a little less. At 5'5 I am still considered over weight by my BMI. My BMI weight range for a healthy weight is 150-120 pounds. And for Weight Watchers you need to pick a goal weight for life time status within that range. So I picked 150, this is the top of my BMI class. I am secretly shooting for a bit more but I need to get to 150 first and stay there! I am mad because I was 150.4 only 3 weeks ago! Not running and lifting heavier weights for 2 weeks seems to have caused a shift, and I am ok with this.
But now, running is back in full swing!! I was so happy to get my early morning runs in this week! Monday was 3.1, Tuesday was 5, Wednesday was cross training, Thursday was 6, and Friday was 3.2. Tomorrow is my long run, the first official one of my marathon training so I am excited about that. I am confident that now I am running more I will drop the last few pounds and get to goal weight.
So this is my time to shine!!! Like the song says I will do as I choose! I will keep training and complete that marathon on November and I will keep working to be healthy and happy. Because I want to feel this alive for the rest of my life.
Do you have songs which keep you inspired while you workout or even just in your car driving?
I would love to hear them!
8 comments:
Usually something from Green Day..."Hold On", "Waiting" and "Poprocks & Coke" have gotten me through a lot. Last year my unofficial anthem was "Not Afraid" by Eminem. It hit home a bit, with the year.
And Know Your Enemy is a favorite...it was playing as I crossed the finish line for my first marathon!
Right now I really like Katy Perry's "E.T." It's a combination of the music, beat and lyrics that I really enjoy.
Stepping out on a limb here, and just putting this out there from a "been there, done that, have the emotional scars to prove it" perspective:
I certainly can't assess your weight or your goals, but some of your post worries me from a body image/health perspective. BMI is not a good measure for someone who works out with weights, because it doesn't distinguish between muscle mass and fat. Calipers don't measure just fat, but also skin, and many people say you need training to use them correctly. A "magic number" based on population-wide statistics may not fit you.
Looking at your pictures, you look very lean. Size 2 does not say "needs to lose 10 lbs." When I first lost weight (40+ lbs) it took a long time for my self-image to catch up with my new body. I still saw fat (and still do, but have learned to ignore it).
I have so many friends who crossed the line from losing weight to eating disorder/body dysmorphia. I'm not saying that's you, I'm just explaining my sensitivity to your post.
Hang in there, Colleen! I have NO doubt you'll get to Lifetime and then on to your personal goal. You're absolutely right that it's no one else's business what weight you decide is right for you. It's your decision! One of my favorite motivating songs is "It's My Life" by Bon Jovi which seems very appropriate given the advice I just gave you. LOL Another favorite is "Man in the Mirror" by Michael Jackson. It reminds me that if I want to change, I have to look at myself rather than relying on external things to motivate me to change.
Thanks Dan I will have to see if I have that one in my mix I do have a lot of Eminem in there!
Coco, thank you for taking time to post and leave me such good things to ponder. I appreciate your perspective. I know my image of my body is still messed up, I know I see that 272 pound girl still at times. I do take inches measurements as well and am learning about using the calipers properly as part of my acsm certification. Many athletes have under 20% body fat so I am still not there yet.
I think the last few pounds are just those stubborn ones hanging onto my abdomen and inner thighs.
I may not lose the whole 10. We will see how I feel at 150 and then maybe 148 so I can have that cushion for weight watchers and go from there. It is a learning process :)
Thanks for your input I do appreciate it and will keep it in mind!
Thanks Mel!!!
I like those song ideas I must go to amazon hehe I will be racking up those 99 cent downloads!
I hear a lot of what you are saying regarding weight. I struggle with many of these issues too but I try to focus on what my body is capable of because I I see myself developing an unhealthy sense of weight. That said, my body really tends to want to hold onto that extra fat around my hips, thighs, & butt. My bodyfat pretty much hovers around 22% too but I know I can be lower because I have been there before. I mostly want it for performance but I also want to be comfortable wearing summer clothes too. I can't imagine a size 2, though. Event my lowest weight which was around 19% body fat, I was a size 5 and I am shorter than you. I have a lot of loose skin as well, that coco mentioned, so I have to take that into consideration.
My mom lost 80 lbs on Weight Watchers in 2008. It took her over 2 years to get there, 6 months of that being losing those last pesky 5 lbs. I can't say I've been there but I can sympathize. It's hard, because there's this number you want to get to while everyone around you is telling you that you're "skinny enough".
I think your journey has been amazing and I have no doubt you'll get that Lifetime status very soon. You're head is in the right place. :)
You keep going towards your goal!!! You will make it!!!
I love everything by Flyleaf. The song 'treasure' is amazing!
Post a Comment