I know we can look at progress pictures, and I know I have muscles that I never knew existed, and I know my clothes are smaller. This is all purely a physical result of losing weight. So often I would just want to be smaller and weigh less and be on a "diet". I never realized that a "diet" would not help me and change my life. It would take a complete lifestyle makeover of sorts and becoming healthy that would change my life and save me.
When you are obese you do not realize that the eating habits and lifestyle you lead is the cause of your obesity, well at least it did not click for me. It took months of going to Weight Watchers meetings, reading blogs and networking with wonderful people online to realize that the things I were doing were unhealthy and needed to change. I was a binger. I was an emotional eater, and I did not exercise because I did not have "time". And all of those unhealthy habits caused my weight to get out of control and my medical problems to get worse.
I was taking 7 medications, I would have panic attacks, I had postpartum depression. I was depressed severely and trying to hold my life together taking care of a newborn, working full time, and taking college courses. I hated myself and this was the root of my depression. I went through some very dark times and had I not gone through it then maybe I would not have the strength I do now to keep going.
So as I was running last night I realized wow this is the new me, this is a strong woman. I was upset, I had a bad day, but I was OK.
Yes I still had an inner urge to binge. But I fought it and went for a run. I came home and pulled out my kettle bell and did a 30 minute workout. It was tiring, but it was perfect because I was no longer stressed out when I was done. I ate a healthy normal dinner, and I got along with my family. I felt good, I did not feel upset, or depressed. Just more in control than I have ever been.
That is why I am so glad I took this journey and will stay on it for the rest of my life. I have been saved. I am healthier than I have been in many years. I do not need depression, heart, and arthritis medications anymore, all I need is my healthy habits and my inner strength and I can get through anything. I am sure there will be ups and downs, and I know nothing or anyone is perfect but I am OK with that. I feel in control of my body and life and this is the best gift I could have ever given myself.