Weigh in Wednesday

Yes it is that time of week again lol

I had a good week it is the 4th week of the Holiday Hoedown challenge and I feel I am doing ok during this challenge. To date I have lost  5.6 lbs during the challenge. I admit it is not as well as I would have liked to be doing, I am used to consistently losing 2 pounds per week on average. So I want to kick things up a notch and finish this challenge strong!

I should be good since training has begun for my half marathon so I will be racking up a lot of miles this week running. Also I plan to do more kettle bell workouts since last week I only got 1 in. I already have 1 in for today =) I am going to keep drinking my water at least 100 ounces each day and I cooked some veggies tonight so I can fill up with those more

I feel good in spite of it all because I got my make over last night :) My friend Brittany who is an awesome hair dresser took care of me!

Hope everyone has an awesome week!

A year ago

I know I take progress pictures in my gym clothes and try to show the weight loss from all the angles but sometimes I think its important to appreciate the weight loss in everyday clothes and appreciate how much you have changed when you are at an event etc.

So every year we have a Christmas party that the family attends and I was driving to it this week on Sunday and as I was driving I started actually crying a little. As I am typing this I am fighting back the urge to tear up. They are not tears of sadness, they are tears of joy? or tears of I am not sure?  but it is an over whelming feeling that lately I seem to be feeling a lot.

This feeling comes from total appreciation and acceptance of my body and my journey and how far I have come. These times last year were some of my darkest, heaviest days. When I see pictures of myself from the holidays last year I cringe. I think back to the girl inside that body and how she always felt. I remember going into my closet and taking a half hour just trying to pick out an outfit that would make me look "thinner". I remember I would only wear dark colors because they helped me hide the fat a bit better. Most of all I remember just feeling so ashamed of myself and hating the person I looked at in the mirror everyday.

I had spiraled out of control and lost myself in a world of depression, sickness, feeling of self worthlessness and turned to binge eating for comfort. As a result I reached my highest weight ever and highest clothing size 18. I can only guesstimate my weight around this time to be in the 260s because lets be serious I avoided all scales. I was not happy being that unfit and that unhealthy. I guess the tears are from those dark days and remind me that we will never be there again.

And it has been a long drawn out battle with overcoming the urge to binge and the desire to take food and fill my empty feelings with it. I am on the winning end of the battle today, some days I am on the losing side. This journey is one I feel I may be on for the rest of my life, trying to change habits that have been ingrained into me over years and years of over eating. Can I do it? Of course. Will it be easy? Of course not.

And that is why I really share this all with all of you. I am hoping to show the ugly side of the journey. I am not sitting here with progress pics and saying hey I am great I am losing weight. I stand before you telling you this sucks. I hate having to count points everyday, I hate the fact that if I do not drink 60-100oz of water a day I do not lose as much weight, and I sometimes dread going to the gym. I know GASP right!!!! Nope no gasps, its true. It is hard work:  it takes determination, dedication, persistence, and the ability to accept defeat and recover from a setback, to stay on this journey. But the important thing, to always remember at the end of the day is this: the hard work, the persistence it will eventually pay off. The problem is you will not see changes over night. There is no quick fix to lose 100 pounds and look amazing, and I think this is what many people forget. It will take over a year to do it and it will take more work than you may be ready to put in. But I promise you it CAN BE DONE.

So I have totally gotten off track here and I am sorry! Here are the pics that brought me to tears this weekend:

This was me this weekend:

Training for a half marathon!

OK even as I sit and type these words to you I am still kind of in disbelief. I do not know why I do not think I can do it. But I have made up my mind, that I will do it and I will run it and I will have fun!

A half marathon? Where did this lovely idea spring from? Well I was watching the Biggest Loser this weekend catching up and I was so moved watching those contestants run a marathon. I began to think about my own journey and I just put the idea in the back of my mind that maybe it is possible.

Then I started looking into it and started getting excited. I started to ask people if they thought I could do it. I got mixed responses, wait another year, try something else first. I got positive encouragement too do not get me wrong, but it was not all positive. I started to doubt myself. Then I said F*ck it I never thought I would ever be a runner and here I am running 5Ks in 26 minutes. I never thought I could be fit and here I stand wearing size 8s and lifting 15lb kettle bells. So I decided I will put my mind to it and I will set this new fitness goal for myself and do it.  Thus the idea took off and I applied to be entered into the raffle for a number to run in the NYC marathon in 2011. So there it is I want to be ready to run a marathon by November 6th 2011.

Then my friend Brittany suggest I run a half marathon first to get me ready and I like that idea a lot. So I went out and found one here Half Marathon and I will be signing up for it this week. And if I do not get into the NYC marathon all will not be lost because I will find a local marathon that hopefully I can get into for November or October 2011. The eventual ultimate dream being to run in the Boston marathon, which is super hard to get into but I figure if I do a qualifying race it will help. I am new to this marathon stuff so please feel free to send advice my way :)

So obviously I plan to train, I saw a program on Cool Running and I figure I will start training with this and do some research and fiund a program to help me prepare for Feb. 28th. So if anyone has any advice, tips, programs they liked etc. please please share them with me!

Today was my long run and I did not think I would be able to do it. Again the mind is always doubting the body. I believe this marathon will be a mind game, more than a physical test. Honestly it is the mind that tells you no you can't do it. I had to run in the gym on the treadmill because it is raining outside and I have a sinus infection so I need to try to stay warm and dry =)

Well I hate running on the treadmill now and I will not be doing it much hopefully I can get better soon because it is so boring to me now since running outdoors so much! Anyways... So the run, well it amazes me how 1 mile seems like a warm up now, a few months back it was a chore. The first 3 miles were a breeze and I was done in 27 minutes. Then mile 4 was strong. After 4 my mind crept in and I had to push away the doubt. i typically run 4 miles when I workout so it was hard pushing myself to go past that safety net.

Lets be serious, that is all it is, a safety net. My body was fine, my legs were feeling good and mile 5 passed us right by. I looked down at my time 45 minutes. I was a bit dissapointed, I wanted to finish before 60 minutes and I knew I had to do something drastic. So I turned up the pace to 7.3 mile/min and just kept pushing myself. I was talking to myself saying all kinds of motivational words, anything to keep me going at that brisk pace. Well it worked! I finished 6 miles in 52:50. I felt awesome, amazing, strong, sweaty, all of the above. Most of all I felt great and accomplished. I felt at that moment that the half marathon in Feb will be easy and I will be able to run it and finish it.

I ended that run with a cool down jog to walk to finish the 60 minutes on the treadmill for a total distance of 6.5 miles :) halfway there already! I was in love with the amount of calories I burned too:

723 calories, highest hear rate 196 average heart rate 157 I will take it!